Post # 82 – “Growing a Healthy Technology Garden”

Dear Family and Friends

I was searching on Pinterest the other day looking for scripture quotes for my blog and preschool activities for my class, both of these topics seemed rather safe to me until… some explicit images popped up on my computer screen. I immediately shut my computer off.  I hope that this has not happened to you, but if it does do like I have told my children and my grandchildren JUST TURN THE COMPUTER OFF!!! And get help if you need too – don’t be ashamed because it can happen to anyone.

After I regrouped and said a little prayer then after a while I turned it back on. The first thing I did when I turned it back on was to run a security scan for bugs and viruses. After I ran the security scan, I went back to my searches thankfully without the pop ups appearing. Which I was very grateful for. I have to be truthful here – I am not a fan of those kind of images. I hang out with my grandchildren and I teach preschool and lead a pretty much g rated life and I love it!

I remember a time many years ago when we had a problem with those types of images in our home. It was not a good thing for any of us and the problem was not as easily solved as I was able to do with this incident on my computer. My son was looking up something on the computer for a paper he was doing for school. I don’t remember now exactly what topic he was looking up, but it seemed innocent enough at the time that my husband and I were really taken aback that those types of images would pop up.

It seems to me that each time we turned the computer on and went online to any site we had pop ups of very explicit images. My husband tried everything he knew at the time to get those images from popping up and flashing our senses. I think we had to have someone come and clean or reset or do something to the computer to eradicate those images so that they were not popping up randomly every time you turned the computer on and went online.

This is only one example of how Satan and his followers use their cunning and deceitful plans and schemes to try to destroy our families. Satan seems to take everything we have that has the potential for good and turn it into something ugly and shameful. No matter what Satan does to hook us in his traps and snares we have our Savior, Jesus Christ who can and will help us to overcome each od those things. All we need to do is ask Him, we must remember that it is always us that moves away from Him.

You know that He never moves away from us. Only we – each one of us individually can make the changes in our life to invite Him in and to allow Him to extricate us from any traps or snares we may have inadvertently or through our own choices fallen into. He still loves each one of us no matter how far we think we have fallen. Just reach up to Him, talk with Him in prayer, He is listening, He truly wants to hear from each one of His children and that means YOU!!! Because you and I – we are each one of us—His child😊 He is the Father of our Spirits.

We must protect our children and our families! And we must protect ourselves from Satan’s plan for our eternal destruction. If you know me by now – my answer to this is to hold onto your faith and if it has weakened, you can pray to Heavenly Father to help you to strengthen your faith. He will help you, but you must be willing to put in the work. Don’t worry, you only need to take baby steps. Just keep moving along the path that will lead you back to Him someday😊

I ran across an article entitled: “Growing a Healthy Technology Garden,” by Marissa Widdison. Her talk by the same name was given at Brigham Young University Women’s Conference on 2016. The first question she asks is: “Are you a digital immigrant?” Now I have never thought of myself as an immigrant before, but I am definitely a digital immigrant. I am what you would call a very digitally immature person, I guess. I am technologically backwards or just a slow learner.

I know of Pinterest – a little bit, Facebook – not so much, and now I know how to write on my blog, hopefully all of my links are working for you when you visit here. I like how she compares technology with a garden. That way if you are even a little familiar with growing things you can relate to what she is teaching us😊 I love visuals to help me learn. Her next question is what her talk will be answering: How can we help our families stay safe and develop a healthy relationship with all of this technology?

Growing a Healthy Technology Garden

By Marissa Widdison        Church Magazines

From a 2016 Brigham Young University Women’s Conference address.

Are you a digital immigrant? If you can remember a time before Facebook, the answer is yes. It would take a pile of objects from 20 years ago to do what a single smartphone can do today. Which is awesome! But let’s be real: this journey to the “digital age” has been a rough one in some ways. We’ve had to learn new skills, new lingo, and new social rules. And when you add kids to the mix, you get a whole new level of anxiety. How can we help our families stay safe and develop a healthy relationship with all of this technology?

The purpose of this article is to explore the answer to that question with an analogy that will help us talk about and remember ideas in a non-intimidating way—by comparing them to gardening! Gardens can be beautiful, relaxing, and practical, which is what our relationship with technology can be as well.

Idea One: Create a Plan

If you wanted to grow a garden, you wouldn’t toss a bunch of seeds into the air and hope they grew perfectly. You’d do at least a little planning—maybe thinking about what sunlight is available, how much maintenance you can handle, and how many pounds of zucchini you can pressure neighbors into taking. Do we put similar effort into thinking about how we use technology? Or do we just click away and hope everything ends up OK?

If you don’t already have a plan, the good news is you don’t have to create one from scratch. Search online for a “family media plan” and you’ll find several examples from nonprofit organizations to use. Or start by answering guiding questions like these:

1. When is using technology OK, and for how long? Does your family have any designated technology-free times? For example, some families collect cell phones before dinner and put them in another room so they focus on each other during the meal. When technology is allowed, are there time limits? If you’re looking for guidelines, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a limit of one to two hours of high-quality entertainment media per day for children (compared to the current average of seven hours!).

2. What is acceptable and what isn’t? Most video games, shows, and movies come with some sort of rating. Do family members understand what is off-limits? You could use family home evening to role-play situations where you might need to turn down invitations or request new entertainment. Practice saying things like, “Sorry, I don’t play games rated M for Mature. Can we play another game?”

3. What level of monitoring will there be? Decide how much digital privacy is healthy for your family. Do you and your spouse have separate email accounts or share one? Do you know your children’s passwords? One couple collects all their children’s smartphones to charge in their bedroom overnight. This gives them an opportunity to periodically check browsing history and read text messages, which they feel is a healthy level of monitoring for their kids. Maybe you don’t agree, but that’s OK—different families, like different gardens, will thrive with different maintenance plans.

4. What are the consequences when rules are intentionally broken? In addition to clearly explaining to our children what the technology expectations are, we need to make sure they know there will be consequences if they intentionally break the rules. At the beginning of the school year, some teachers have children brainstorm and agree upon consequences for bad behavior and then hold them to that standard for the rest of the year. Perhaps something similar could work for your family.

5. What is our turn-away plan when we accidentally encounter bad media? Accept the fact that your kids will almost certainly accidentally encounter bad media at some point in their lives. We shouldn’t punish them for stumbling upon it, but we can equip them to handle the situation. One family’s turn-away plan was printed in the June 2011 Friend magazine in an article called “Crash and Tell.” In the story, a boy gets away from an inappropriate pop-up ad by (1) turning off the computer and (2) telling an adult right away. Because his family has already talked about a plan, he knows what to do.

6. How will we record our plan? One mother wrote a “technology contract” for her son when he received his first smartphone. Another family wrote their media plan on a poster in the kitchen. What will help your family?

Idea Two: Pull the Weeds and Water the Flowers

Once we’ve planned and planted our garden, it’s exciting to see sprouts appear. But our work isn’t over! Now comes the ongoing challenge of pulling weeds and watering flowers.

Pull the Weeds

Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could just do a thorough weeding at the beginning of summer and then, brushing dirt off our knees, say, “Well, I’m glad I got that over with!” and never weed again? Unfortunately, weeds spring up over and over again, and so do harmful media messages. We can prevent some of the bad language, crude images, cyberbullying, and violence with internet filters and good choices. But there will always be stubborn weeds that pop up in unexpected places.

Pornography is perhaps the most stubborn of media weeds. It seems to be popping up everywhere! And because pornography can be tricky to talk about with children, we may be tempted to treat it like a one-time situation. “Well, I had ‘the talk’ with Bobby, so he should be fine.” In reality, kids will certainly encounter confusing and unsavory content more than once in their lives. That means we need to step up and have ongoing, age-appropriate discussions about media with our children—including about the tough stuff.

This doesn’t mean we have to use the word pornography around the dinner table, although some families are fine with that. If you feel that your family needs a milder approach, ask your kids if they saw anything that made them feel uncomfortable that day, or if they heard any words they didn’t understand. If we provide them with safe, open ways to get information, they’re less likely to turn to the internet for answers and more likely to tell us about their media experiences.

If the thought of talking about pornography still gives you the nervous-parent sweats, here are a few resources that can help you communicate lovingly, boldly, and with confidence:

·         OvercomingPornography.org. Here you’ll find ready-to-go family home evening lessons about bodies, sexual intimacy, and related topics. Click “Resources” at the top of the page and then “Family Home Evening.”

·         LessonHelps.lds.org. This is a collection of child-friendly, Church-approved stories, activities, and media. If you click the topic “Media,” you’ll find Friend articles you could use to start a conversation.

·         EducateEmpowerKids.org. This nonprofit organization is not affiliated with the Church but was founded by and continues to be directed by Latter-day Saint professionals. On this website you’ll find several age-appropriate resources for talking to children about pornography as well as sexual intimacy.

Water the Flowers

What positive media habits do you want to grow? You could fill a garden with endless possible combinations of vibrant flowers and delicious vegetables. Similarly, there are countless ways your family can serve others online. For example, you could decide that before you scroll through your social media feed, you’ll write three positive comments on other people’s statuses. Or you’ll send an uplifting meme to someone each week.  Perhaps you could add these ideas to your family media plan. Medialibrary.lds.org has plenty of inspirational content ready to share.

Idea Three: Don’t Let the Garden Take Over

Now, even if a garden is full of good things, it can still become hard to enjoy or manage if it gets overgrown. The same goes for technology—even good technology use can get out of hand. We need to remember that technology exists to serve us, not the other way around.

Some professionals suggest a periodic “media fast” to help us release our grip on technology. BeautyRedefined.org, a media literacy nonprofit organization founded and run by Latter-day Saint professionals, recommends choosing a period of time—three days, a week, a month, or whatever feels right for your family—and avoiding as much media as possible. Doing so will remind us that it’s not the end of the world if we don’t check our social media accounts multiple times a day. It also gives our minds the chance to become more sensitive to messages that don’t mesh with truths we experience in the real world. When the time comes to reconnect with media, sit down as a family and reevaluate your habits. What uplifting media did you miss? Are there harmful messages you should stay away from?

Idea Four: Every Garden Is Different

The last idea is simple but important: Every garden is different. Some people grow flowers; others focus on veggies. Some gardens are meticulously pruned, while others are kind of wild. Different plants are susceptible to different bugs and grow well under different conditions. Every family is different, too. Your media use will be unique to your circumstances and your family. The important thing is that we take the time to understand the strengths and weaknesses of our family members, craft a media plan, and then weed, water, and cut back in a meaningful and ongoing way. That way we can grow a healthy media garden that will be useful and inspiring to every member of the family, whether they remember a time before Facebook or not!

I hope you enjoyed reading and learning from today’s article.  I found a few  secure sites you can go to for information on planning and creating a family media plan:

Family Media Plan: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/media/Pages/default.aspx

Family Media Plan helps parents set boundaries for kids: https://www.aappublications.org/news/2016/10/21/MediaParents102116

5 Simple Steps to a Healthy Family Media Diet: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/5-simple-steps-to-a-healthy-family-media-diet

The Role Of Media In The Family: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/about/focus-findings/parenting/the-role-of-media-in-the-family

A Parent’s Guide to Today’s Technology: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/family-safety

Here's how a family media plan can reduce conflict around technology: https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2018-12-26/screen-time-fights-reduce-family-conflict-with-a-media-plan/10567998

https://digitalyou.att.com/tips-for-parents/

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/kids-screen-time-media-use-plan-from-parents/

google search under “family media plan” Creating a Family Technology Plan Idaho  has a plan that you can download.

Family Media Agreement: https://www.bewebsmart.com/internet-safety/family-media-agreement/

Too Much Screen Time? Develop a Summer Family Media Plan: https://www.literacyworldwide.org/blog/literacy-daily/2017/06/23/too-much-screen-time-develop-a-summer-family-media-plan

Teaching Kids to Be Smart About Social Media: https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/social-media-smarts.html

I am sorry you are probably on information overload right about now. I just feel that this subject is so important I wanted to share as much as I could with each of you, especially those of you who have young children. It is never too late to begin to turn your family around and begin another plan. I have watched my students these past few years and so many of them are mimicking computer game actions. They were playing animals the other day and the animals had to be killed, dead or dying. I was hearing shooting sounds of rapid fire😊

I think it is a sad think for children so young to have killing and shooting on their minds while they are at play. What happened to simple blocks and dolls in play. Even when they are playing family, someone has to be dead. They are in a fighting mode – during their play time. All they want to talk about is this game called fortnight. I am not familiar with it, but all of the kids are talking about it even the older ones. Our world is too much about violence any more. It might be good for us to consider going back to a simpler time in a lot of ways. Ok so now I am of my soap box for today😊

I just found out that I will need to go back in for lymphedema therapy☹ I had hoped that I would not need more therapy. It has only been a year since I was put into my glove and sleeve and things were going along so well. I had noticed that my arm was swelling up even with the sleeve on, but I thought it was because I was drinking so much more water – not so I guess. I went in to get measured so that I could get another glove and sleeve ordered. The insurance will only pay for one each year, so I had to wait because they are a little pricey.

Well I have my appointment scheduled next week and I am kind of looking forward to having my arm and hand feeling better. Right now, every night when I take my glove and sleeve off my hand throbs for a few hours. And with the neuropathy it only makes it hurt worse I think☹ I wonder if in the future I will have to wear a night gauntlet to keep the swelling down while I sleep or if I will need to go and have therapy more often.

 I am not looking forward to the therapy and the wrapping of my fingers, hand and arm in those bandages. Each finger is wrapped individually and then my hand gets wrapped then all the way up to my shoulder. This may make it more difficult to write my blog, so please bear with me if I am a little bit slower to get my post out to you. I will have to wait and see, I haven’t been wrapped for over a year so I am not sure just how much freedom I will have in using that hand. It's been a little bit too long for my memory to recall . I guess I will find out next week😊right?

I have Discovered that I really do enjoy writing to each of you and sharing the things that I am passionate about, the things that are truly important to me—especially our Savior, Jesus Christ. I hope and pray that I am sharing things that are also important to you and that help you our in some ways and always to uplift and brighten your day😊 Until my next post, keep studying with me. Let’s learn about the Savior’s life and ministry together –  and as always, let’s make it a great week!