Post # 196 – Keep Your Faith Hold onto Your Hope

Dear Family and Friends

I was just going through some boxes, you know … sorting through things, trying to get things a little more organized😊 Oh, WHAT, you never do that??? Impossible, I say!! Well, I guess there might be some of you who are always organized, good for all of you😊 

Me, I used to be that way a long, long time ago, at least that is what my husband used to say. 

He would say that before I had my strokes, everything had a place and before I went to bed each night everything was in its place.

Now a days I cant seem to find a place to put everything☹ and then when I do find a place for everything, it gets used or moved and I forget where it is… or was☹ 

I remember things in the last place I had them before they were moved. 

It doesn’t matter if I was the one that moved them to a new place, I sill remember the very last place I saw whatever the item might be… like my keys, my glasses, my shoes, you know the important things in life😊

When I had my strokes, my youngest daughter had just been born, so it was back in July or August of 1981, my oldest daughter was not quite two years old yet. 

My husband was at work 
 and I was home alone with my two little girls. I was making phone calls about my bills and as I was just finishing up with a call, 

I got this very sharp pain 
 in between my shoulder blades. I could not even move to hang up the phone for a few minutes.

After the pain subsided a bit, I was able to get the phone back into its cradle. ( this is the old type of phone that sat on a desk that you actually had to dial]

This is when I realized that my right
arm was not working like it should, it seemed weaker somehow. 

My hand would not, could not reach up to my ear to retrieve the phone and place it back on its cradle☹ 

With all this going on in my head I 
  heard the baby crying upstairs I knew that I needed to get the baby out of the crib. 

At this point I wasn’t sure just  how I would manage as I was leaning on the walls and pulling on the railing while coming
up the stairs at a very slow pace 
 as my whole right side didn’t seem to be working at all as it should☹

Once at the top of the stairs I still needed to lean on the walls for support and the door frame.  

I went in the girl’s room and woke my oldest daughter from her nap. 

 I was now leaning on the crib☹ 

I struggled frantically trying to get the baby out of her crib, with no success. Somehow, I had to figure out how I could do this. 

I needed help but I did not have anyone available at that moment. 

I am pretty sure that I was talking to God to help figure out just what I could do to make sure my babies were safe.  

I was trying to think things through, but my mind seemed to be slower also. Then I had a thought that my oldest daughter would have to help me.

 I had her push her chair over to the crib and climb into the crib. 

She was a little bit nervous as she had been in trouble for doing the very same thing a few days prior to this day. 

I think she knew that I was in trouble and she knew that I needed her help. She climbed into the crib and helped to lift her baby sister up to me. She was such a little trooper 

You see she knew how to get into the crib, but she had never had to get out of the crib by herself before. 

Then she climbed back out of the crib with what little help I could give her to keep her from falling. 

Between the two of us we managed to get the baby out of the crib and into my left arm.  

The right arm would not hold her, and I had her in my left arm as securely as I could. 

It was just then that I realized that I could not hold her safely to get us both down the stairs. What was I going to do?

 I did have a thought that finally came into my over muddled mind for me to sit down and hold my daughter on my lap and go down the stairs on my bottom. 

We made it down the stairs safely but I could not get up with her in my arms and I wasn’t sure that I could pick her up again once I got myself up – 

... if I was even able to get myself up to a standing position again☹ 

I am here to tell you that I am almost certain that I was asking God for the strength that I needed to have at least until some help arrived. This was a very scary moment for me in this point in time☹

I had my oldest daughter get my pen and a piece of paper. 

I was able to write the word help on it with my left hand. 

It was not very legible writing, but I was hoping and praying[ I say praying now, but back then i was just talking to God -- a God whom I wasn't even sure was there] that my neighbor would understand that I needed her, and I needed her right now!

 I was not sure exactly what was happening to my body, but I knew that I needed help to care for my babies and figure it out. I sent my little daughter who was not yet two years old off alone to the neighbors to try to find her mom some help☹

I could not even go to stand at the door to make sure that my daughter made it over to the neighbor’s house. 


At that time, we lived in a townhouse and I believe there were 5 or 6 townhouses on one side of the courtyard and the same amount across the courtyard. 

Everyone around us was at work as it was mid-afternoon. I knew that my neighbor should be home unless she needed to go to the laundry mat or to the store for groceries. 
I was praying that her boys were also napping, and my daughter would 
  catch her at home. She was a nurse so I was sure that she could help me figure it out😊

It seemed like it took forever for her to come to my house with her two boys in tow. 

Yes, they had been napping until my daughter rang her doorbell over and over again. She came as quick as she could gather up her boys.

 I tried to tell her what had happened to me. I explained exactly as it had happened. 

It sounded so strange coming out of my mouth because something so simple as a pain just below my head and between my shoulder blades would create such havoc in my body.

I guess she knew I was in trouble as she called my husband at work and said for him to meet us at the hospital. 

I am sure that she may have known what was going on with my body but not wanting to scare me she did not offer any ideas. We had to wait until her husband came back with their car, but she said it would not be long. 

She said we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible so they could help me. Within a very short time her husband arrived to take me to the hospital. He half carried me out to his car and then we were on our way to the hospital.

Even though I did not grow
 up going to or belonging to a church. and even though I was never acquainted with the Bible growing up.

 I still had hope that 
there was a God and I would talk to Him. I would ask Him questions and I am sure this was one of those times. 

You see, whenever we do not understand things and we are in trouble and we need help, but there is no one there.

 What is the first thing
that we usually do? We cry out to a God that we hope is there for us. At least I believe that most of us are like that😊

I am here to tell you that we do have a Heavenly Father who is there for each one of us. He hears and answers our prayers, even if we cannot speak them verbally. 

I experienced that too while I was in the hospital emergency room waiting on all of the tests they were doing to try to figure out what had happened to me.

 My husband arrived shortly and as we were awaiting the technician to come take me for the next test, I tried to tell him what had happened.

My speech was a bit slurred, I 
sounded like I was drugged or drunk. 
It seemed like the more I tried to explain to him what had occurred during the afternoon, the worse my speech seemed to get. 

Which frustrated me more and more because I could hear the words perfectly in my head. 

But when they came out of my mouth it was a totally different story. 

As I spoke the strangest thing was happening.

 My speech was getting worse and worse. 

By the time evening fell I sounded like I was severely retarded. 

Now I know that we do not use that terminology anymore, but that was my thinking as I spoke. 

In fact, my oldest daughter spoke more clearly than I did, and I think people understood what she wanted☹

This was a very scary time for me as well as for my little family. 

Things in our lives were changing, never to be the same again☹ 

Though some good things came out of this experience in our lives, especially mine. 

I never took anything for granted after this experience in my life.

After all I had taken my body for granted and what it could do for me. I had taken my speech for granted. 

My means of communication, I had taken that for granted too. I even took feeding and dressing myself for granted. All of these somewhat simple tasks had become near impossible for me during this time☹

The doctors had put me in a room in the geriatric wing of the hospital. I guess that was the protocol back then to put stroke victims in the geriatric wing of the hospital😊 I was in a room with 5 other women. 

The only difference was I was in my twenties and they were in their fifties or sixties or even older. Those ladies were wonderful to me and my family.

In the beginning I did not even remember 
 that I was married and had two children, it was a crazy time for me. 

And when friends would come to visit me in the hospital I would smile and nod. A lot, because I did not know who half of them were. And yet they seemed to know an awful lot about me it was evident as they spoke to me.

It was very hard for me when they would talk to me as though they knew me and discuss things that we had done.

But I could neither remember them, Ir remember anything about the events they said we had don't
together.I neither remember them 
or doing the things with them. When 

 I woke up in my hospital room that  night the nurses told me that my husband  had said that he would stop by tomorrow after he got off work😊

I wondered who this husband of mine would turn out to be. Thinking back on the incident now. I have never been sure just how I recognized him when he came in the emergency room.  

But I could not remember him when I awoke in my hospital room the next day.

He felt familiar, but I could not place him in a specific memory, especially a wedding. This time in my life was so strange for me.

 However, the doctor had said I had another stroke during the night. 

Maybe that was the cause? I guess I will never know for sure. I do know that I was hospitalized two more times within a month. 

Each time it was because I had what they were calling a mini stroke. 

Both times I think they kept me for 48 hours in the hospital and then I was released. 

After the third stay I never had to go back again. I did however have a lot of appointments with my doctor and further tests and the like☹ 

You know all the fun stuff that doctors do😊

When he stopped by the next evening, I wasn’t sure just who he was. He was very nice and very concerned about my welfare. 

He asked me if he could bring anything and he told me that he and the girls missed me. 

Who were the girls that he spoke of and what were they to me? I am quite certain I was praying to remember who this adoring handsome man? And is he really my husband.

I was in the hospital for 2 weeks that first time. 

During that time, I had speech therapy 3 times each day and physical therapy 2 times a day. 

I needed to learn how to talk and how to walk all over again. How to dress and care for myself so that I would be able to care for my babies. 

I believe that my room mates at the hospital were a good part of my rehabilitation process. 

They would always make me use words to speak to them. They were very good at encouraging me every day😊

At first, I don’t think that the doctors thought that I had had a stroke. 

But in the end they told my husband that I had had 3 or 4 mini strokes. 

And that they were an indication that a major stroke was going to happen. They told him not to do or say anything that would cause me stress. 

My recovery took nearly five years. 

Looking back, I am not so sure about my strokes being 
called mini strokes because of the aftereffects. 

I guess that is what you might call them. 

Whatever you call them,
 they changed my life from what it was to what it became😊 

They may have been mini strokes after that first one  or two, because they left me with speech that no one could understand and my right side being paralyzed for a while. And I was unable to walk at all☹ 

And my memory all kinds of messed up. I didn't remember my husband or my children or my friends. It was very strange for me and those I loved.

 No matter what you call them, I know that the Lord was with me. 

And that He blessed me

with a husband who supported me through it and with an amazing daughter who was able to help me at the onset as well as throughout my recovery. 

Believe it or not she was my inspiration to speak better, to be understood. 

Also, to walk so that I could
care for her and her little sister😊  

To be honest I felt like I may have had a couple more of those mini strokes after my release from the hospital. I still struggle with memory issues, but I have learned how to cope😊

 I have had a hard time imagining myself as being that organized.😊 

As I found out later on that my husband was not the only one who used that same phraseology. 

You know the phrase "that everything had its place and everything was in its place before I went to bed each night."  

Others used that same phraseology when describing me prior to having had three or four minor strokes.

 I have not been that organized since. I really have tried but I can't seem to figure out a good system that continues to work for me☹ 

For one reason or another I struggle to this day with organizing things in my home, at work, wherever the placed may be at, it is not very organized☹ 

It seems as though I need to keep things out in my view in order to make sure that thy get done. 

If I have things put away, then I simply forget that they need doing. 

I know it does sound a little weird, but that it the way it is and I don't know how to change it☹  

My husband  had said my whole person changed after having those strokes. 

I don’t know if that was meaning changes in a good way or not, but we remained married for many years afterwards😊 

I had to learn new ways of doing things because my memory was not exactly what it was before that time and of course getting older and then adding hard core chemotherapy and many sessions of lower dose chemo over these past few years have not helped in the memory department☹

Oh, I almost forgot why I
was sharing this story with you😊

I know that Heavenly Father was watching over me during that rough patch in my life all those years ago when I didn’t even know how to pray. 

When I wasn’t even sure if there was a God, least of all if He truly cared about me as I am nobody special. Looking back, 

I am certain that He was watching over me and helping me through that trial😊

If our Heavenly Father was looking out for me way back when I was so uncertain. 

I believe that He will see us through 
this trial in our lives and be with us every step of the way.

I am praying that you felt the same way as you joined together in our worldwide fast this Sunday March 29^th. 

Remember that there is great power in prayer and prayer is a necessary part of fasting. 

Throughout the scriptures, prayer and fasting are mentioned together. 

Our fasting should be accompanied by sincere prayer, and we should begin and end our fasting with prayer.

I want to thank all of you who were able and who took this opportunity to fast and pray together for the healing of our world. 

I believe there is great power in numbers as we come together for a righteous purpose😊

Anyway, I have not had very many students since the state closed all of the schools so I have been trying to clean out my closets to remind myself what is in all of my boxes😊 

After all, I have been adding things to those closets over the past ten years I have been teaching preschool here. 

Also, I trade out my toys and other things with those at home so you can see part of the reason why I don’t know where things are or what’s in certain boxes.

 I have begun putting 
things into the empty animal cracker jugs. 

Which has been very

helpful because I can see at
a glance – if I am close enough😊 what is inside of each jug.  

I have made some progress over the years, right??? 

Of course, there are many things that will not fit effectively into these big jars so I still have many boxes to go through. 

Sometimes it seems so overwhelming to know where to begin or even thinking about the task being possible to accomplish alone.

 I wonder if we will be getting more in attendance once the schools have everything sorted out as to how they will be teaching the children all around the world through cyberspace😊 

I guess they will be joining us as we too are studying together in cyberspace – on the same page but not in the same room😊 or something like that don’t you think so???

It wouldn’t seem like a lot of work to do to prepare for teaching children this way if you have already been doing it. 

Though I think if you have never taught in this way and for so many students at one time then it might take you at least a little while to get it all together and set up! 

I guess some of the younger grades will be doing some packets as well😊

I am not sure how they are doing things in your area but those are some of the things they are doing here in the towns closest to me. 

They each have their own way of doing things within each school district, but they are still a similar in some ways you know. 

I have grandchildren in three of the counties around me and friends in a few of the neighboring towns, so I hear about how they are doing things in the areas about me😊

And at a lot of the schools they are all 
passing out breakfasts and lunches for the children up to age 18. You drive or walk up to the school and they hand you the meals for your children. 

You are not allowed into the schools, the school staff just meet you outside and hand you the number of lunches you request, for the number of children you have with you.

Which is a very good thing that they are continuing to provide the children with the same meals that they would have received if they were still in school😊 

I am certain this act alone is helping out so many families in this time of economic hardship that many of us and  our neighbors and friends and our families are facing during this global pandemic.

We as a world have gone through many pandemics, there have been quite a few in my lifetime. The thing is not to give up our hope and to remember that God is in charge. 

Our heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ love each one of us individually. They know each one of us individually and personally.

They still love us no matter what we have done.  Or even how long it has taken us to realize that we are not meant to go through this mortal life experience in our own.

We are supposed to call on our Heavenly Father for His divine help and guidance in our daily lives. 

I will admit that I am a slow learner and it has taken me thirty some odd years to really understand what most of you probably know and understand and have done so for years. 

You knew that you needed your Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ in your lives and you chose the path that would take you there and you were quick to learn how to access Their help from an early age😊

I am so very grateful that our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ will accept a slow learner like me and still love me😊 

Yes, I am very grateful that our Heavenly Father sent His Son into this world as a baby to live among men and to learn and grow in wisdom and stature😊 

To show each of us by His example how to live our lives so that we may someday return to live with Him and His Son Jesus Christ.

Then He – Jesus Christ,  willingly suffered so much torture and brutality and eventually a horrible death so that I who am nothing special could not suffer as He did. 

If I am willing to follow His example and the plan the Heavenly Father has prepared for each one of us who has ever or will ever live on this earth  😊 

We must never loose our hope in Christ. He has done so much for each one of us, we should rely on Him and His Father who sent Him😊

 I just heard the news that our state is now on a stay at home order for 30 days unless your job is one of essential service. 

Did you ever think it would be like this? Well, remember it could always be worse. 

We must look for the rainbows after the rain😊 

If you too, are in a state with a stay at home order please remember to get up every day just like you would normally. 

Do things with your family that you enjoy😊

Look at this as an opportunity to get to know your family members better. 

Make some good memories, or even new traditions during your stay at home time. 

Have a scavenger hunt around your home. Play board games. 

Play hopscotch, basketball, Frisbee, dominoes, Candy land, chutes and ladders, apple to apple. 

Learn to knit or crochet. Jump rope. Play bingo. 

Make a map of your neighborhood from memory then go out and see how you did😊 

Make sure that you and your family members get outside for 60 minutes twice a day. 

My daughter just told me today that our town is doing a bear hunt. 

Everyone is gathering up any stuffed bears they have and putting the bears that they have found round their house in the front windows of their homes. 

Then families drive around looking for all of the bears they can find. I cant remember for sure if there is a prize involved or not. 

I will keep you up to date in a later post (if I remember)😊 I promise to do my best

Don’t forget to continue to pray individually and with all of your family members at least morning and evening. 

Don’t forget to continue to pray individually and with all of your family members at least morning and evening. 

Please study your scriptures every day and please do continue to study the Book of Mormon with me and all of our cyber study buddies out there in cyberspace😊 be cheerful every day

Create a blessings book, journal or jar. 

Have your family members think of all the blessings that you have in your life as a family. Then write them down individually on brightly colored paper. 

Then cut up each blessing on the page so that you can put it into a jar and read one every day for the next 30 days 😊 

Most importantly, remember who you are. a child of God!!! 

Remember that your Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ know you and love you. It is very important for each one of us to put our trust in God😊 

Let’s each hold onto the hope that our world will be healed, and we will be through this trial soon. Hold onto your faith in Jesus Christ, rely on the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

Until my next post, please do your best to prevent the spread of this virus. Stay safe and healthy. Don’t give into anger or depression, be happy😊😊😊😊 Keep your faith and hold on to your hope!!!