Post 22 –  If We Can Laugh at It, We Can Live with It

Dear Family and Friends,

I found a great article about laughter that I think you will enjoy, it’s by Brad Wilcox, he is a wonderful speaker – if you haven’t listened to a talk by him or read one then you’re in for a treat!

If We Can Laugh at It, We Can Live with It

By Brad Wilcox

Humor can improve our perspective and lighten our load.

Some time ago I was a passenger on an airplane that was coming in for a landing. As we neared the airport, the other passengers and I started to realize that we were traveling much faster than normal. I could feel the anxiety level in the plane start to rise.

Suddenly the airplane hit the ground with great force and then began taxiing down the runway. Shaken, we passengers sat in stunned silence until the captain’s voice came over the sound system: “Take that, you bad, bad runway!” We all erupted in laughter. With a humorous viewpoint and a shared laugh, an uncomfortable situation had become bearable.

Wow! What a way to break the deafening silence that was probably occurring during that moment.

Humor helps. Humor heals. In fact, many medical studies have linked laughter with better physical and mental health.¹ Such studies confirm the scripture that states, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine” (Prov. 17:22). Humor allows us to view our lives in a more positive light, deal with personal conflicts and intolerance, and cope with trials and frustrations that might otherwise seem overwhelming. As we are told in Ecclesiastes, there is “a time to laugh” (Eccl. 3:4).

I remember when I was pregnant with my first child and I was underneath my Volkswagen bug changing out the starter. My brother had told me that he was too stressed to put a starter on for me. I told him that it wasn’t a problem that I could handle it myself and out the door I went.

I had been out there for a very long time, so my brother came out to check on me to make sure that I was alright. He hollered at me from the door to see how I was doing, then he came out to the car to see for himself when I told him that I was just waiting for the baby to move. He stooped down beside the car to find out just what that meant.

So, I began to explain  to him that I had replaced the starter successfully a while ago, but during the time I was working on the starter my child was moving about. He said that it was good that the baby was moving around – he was worried that he might have to deliver my child. I told him that he would not have to do that – at least not today. 

He asked me why I was still under the car if I had the started all changed out. I told hi that with the baby’s moving I was sort of high centered and I could not get out from under the car until the baby moved again allowing my stomach to lower back down enough for me to get out, unless he wanted to jack the car up higher. He began to laugh and laugh. He was rolling in the street laughing at me with my cone-shaped belly laying under my car. he had totally forgot about his stresses and the fright that he would have to deliver my baby.

Humor Can Improve Our Perspective

We can’t always choose what we look at, but we can choose what we see. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “Jesus found special joy and happiness in children and said all of us should be more like them—guileless and pure, quick to laugh.”² We are all going to find ourselves in situations we have not anticipated and are not sure how to handle. If we laugh, we may find that at least some of the handling takes care of itself.

After the Austin family had finished shopping for groceries, young Eli Austin was playing with the grocery cart and tipped the cart too far back: Eli, cart, and groceries crashed in an ungraceful heap in the middle of the parking lot. Did a lecture, sarcasm, or grounding follow? Eli said, “Most dads would get mad, but my dad just stood there for a minute and then started laughing his head off.” Brother Austin knew the value of looking on the bright side, for anger doesn’t repair smashed eggs and tomatoes.

I think more often than not we as parents really need to try to find the humor in our lives – especially in our teaching moments with our children, when after all – they are just being children. This dad could have made things a lot worse by getting upset over the accident. Yes, it could have been prevented if his young son had not been playing around with the cart, which I am sure that he had been asked or told not to be doing because someone could get hurt.  That saying “ there is no since crying over spilt milk” might apply here, as the damage was already done and apparently the son had not been hurt and the groceries were fine – so why not laugh rather that get mad?

Humor Can Strengthen Relationships

Kellene Ricks Adams recalls a potentially tense growing-up moment when she and her brother were fighting. Overhearing their angry, raised voices, their father rushed into the room. “Where are the cats? Where are the cats?” he asked frantically.

Surprised, the two combatants stared at their father. “Dad, there aren’t any cats here!”

Shaking his head, Brother Ricks turned and left the room, muttering, “I could have sworn I heard two cats fighting up there.” Sharing a laugh, the siblings recognized their foolishness.

President Spencer W. Kimball used humor as he related with others throughout his life. For instance, as a missionary he once glimpsed a new piano through an open door. He asked the family if they would like to hear their Kimball piano played by a Kimball and was immediately invited in.³

Humor Can Help Us Cope

We all encounter things that seem ugly, inconvenient, even unbearable. We change what we can, but sometimes we simply have to accept and cope with unpleasant circumstances. Humor can be a helpful coping tool.

After Art E. Berg was thrown from an automobile during a rollover just five weeks before his wedding date, his neck was broken, and at the age of 21 he was left a quadriplegic. Although his body no longer serves him as it once did and he is confined to a wheelchair, Brother Berg is far from being helpless and depressed. He has learned to depend upon the Spirit of the Lord and draw upon his own incredible will to overcome. He now lives a life full of service, activity, and accomplishment. What got him through? Among other things, Brother Berg says peace came from learning to laugh again, particularly with his family. He writes, “I am not sure I would have survived the emotional trauma of my injuries and the complications of my new life if it hadn’t been for the wit, chuckles, laughs, and good-natured humor of my wife and family.”⁴

Abraham Lincoln struggled with bouts of depression and used humor as therapy. His ability to laugh at himself was revealed during a political debate in which his opponent called him “two-faced.” Lincoln replied, “I leave it to my audience. If I had another face, do you think I’d wear this one?”⁵

 I remember for several years after my husband lost his job he went into a deep depression and he rarely came out of his bedroom. Finally, after a few years he came out and went to the store with me. I pulled up in the parking lot and parked the car. As I turned the key off he said to me: ‘How can you keep doing this?’ I was not sure just what he meant by that so I said ‘What, go to the store?’ he said no! ‘you get up every morning and you are happy, you go to work and you come home and you are happy, I don’t get it?’ ‘how can you keep doing it every day and still be happy?’ I told him I guess it was because I did not have the luxury of giving in to my depression, because somebody had to make the money to feed the children and pay the bills.’ He started to laugh and said ‘I guess you are right about that.’ That was the first laugh I had heard from him in years and I think that began to change him. It still took time, but after that he came out of his room a little more and a little more until he was back involved with his family. maybe that's not the best example of laughter helping, but I think it was a beginning.

President Hugh B. Brown (1883–1975), a counselor in the First Presidency, recognized the value of facing challenges with humor: “A wholesome sense of humor will be a safety valve that will enable you to apply the lighter touch to heavy problems and to learn some lessons in problem solving that ‘sweat and tears’ often fail to dissolve.”⁶

Avoid Hurtful Humor

There are times, however, when not everyone is laughing. We must be careful to distinguish between genuine humor, which everyone can enjoy, and hurtful humor, which is at someone else’s expense.

For example, a speaker once quipped, “This stake has great youth—when they’re asleep.”

A father teased, “My son’s going to be a dynamic missionary—if he can ever get himself out of bed in the morning.”

A leader remarked, purposely within earshot of a group of young women, “There sure are some beautiful girls at this dance.” Another leader responded, “Where? Where?”

Even a hasty “just kidding” doesn’t excuse put-downs and other rude forms of hurtful humor. People may play along with the joke and even manage a little artificial laugh for the sake of the audience, but the resulting wounds go deep. Many remember hurtful comments for years, and relationships may be damaged or destroyed.

During my growing up years, I was often the brunt of misplaced and hurtful laughter at my expense. This in a  great part added to my already insecure feelings I had about myself. being called names and being laughed at because of your size or what you wear, or even the color of your eyes can be devastating to a child or youth. i had a teacher who noticed that my eyes were two different colors and there was another girl who had two different colored eyes as well. she told the other girl that it was a sigh of high intelligence when you had two different colored eyes, but when she came to me it had a different meaning entirely -- it was because my parents genes were mixed up and that meant that I would not get very far in life, the eyes were part of the brain and if they were mixed up my brin probably was going to be too. this seemed to be all because the other girl was from a wealthy family and I was not.

It is really hard to live down some of the jokes that people put upon you as a child. It is really important that we say positive and uplifting things to and about out children or any other children that we are around. Children take to heart what we tell them or what they hear about themselves so please be kind. Laughter is wonderful,, but ot at the expense of others.

One Sunday morning a young man came to priesthood meeting dressed in his first suit, a hand-me-down passed to him from his older brothers. Although the suit was a little large for him, the high-schooler felt well dressed as he entered the foyer where other young people were gathering.

A young man who had been in the presidencies of the deacons, teachers, and priests quorums greeted the new arrival in a sarcastic voice loud enough for all to hear: “Say, that’s a fine suit you have on, but didn’t they have one that would fit you?” Everyone laughed.

Stunned by the experience, the boy turned and quickly left the chapel. Hurt, angry, and embarrassed, he vowed he would never go back. Happily, despite his vow, this teenager did return to church. In fact, he now serves as Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, but President Boyd K. Packer still remembers the thoughtless words and mocking laughter.⁷

It is wise to use humor sparingly in Church settings, in talks, lessons, and so forth, and only humor of unquestionable good taste. We ought to measure in our minds whether a comment would be helpful or hurtful, especially when we want the Spirit present.

The scriptures instruct us to strengthen one another in all our conversations (see D&C 108:7). Humor should be used to build and uplift. Jokes are more fun when they help people feel good about themselves, not embarrassed.

Lightheartedness Does Not Mean Light-Mindedness

As we develop our sense of humor, we must keep in mind the critical difference between lightheartedness and light-mindedness. Light-mindedness is a deliberate irreverence that trivializes the sacred and at worst becomes sacrilege and blasphemy. Perhaps this is the “excess of laughter” and “light speeches” about which scripture warns us (see D&C 88:69, 121; D&C 59:15). Clearly, Church doctrines, ordinances, and temple ceremonies are not to be objects of humor. We must “trifle not with sacred things” (D&C 6:12; see also D&C 8:10).

Lightheartedness, on the other hand, refers to the zestful joy found in wholesome gospel living. Just as scriptures warn against the inappropriate, they also teach us to worship “with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance” (D&C 59:15).

It’s really important that we understand the distinction between  these two --light-heartedness and light-mindedness. Worship with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance, this is part of zestful joy found in wholesome gospel living. Light mindedness trivializes sacred things and invites irreverence nd possibly sacrilege and blasphemy, which we do not want.

Spirituality does not always equate with solemnity. For example, the Prophet Joseph Smith valued “careful and ponderous and solemn thoughts”⁸ but also described himself as “playful and cheerful.”⁹Likewise, President Heber C. Kimball (1801–68), a counselor in the First Presidency, taught that God “is a cheerful, pleasant, lively, and good-natured being.”¹⁰

A Sense of Humor Can Be Developed

It is comforting to realize a sense of humor can be discovered and nurtured at any age. My friend Barbara Barrington Jones confirmed, “Believe it or not, humor can be developed. I am living proof of that fact.”

Soon after her baptism into the Church, Sister Jones was invited to present workshops for teenagers at a youth conference. She openly admits that her first attempts were disastrous, and she seemed unable to relate with her young audience—until she learned to laugh at herself and share personal humorous experiences. Now, in part because of the sense of humor she has acquired, she relates beautifully with the young people she addresses.

For those who wish to improve their sense of humor, Sister Jones suggests recording in a notebook the funny things they experience or hear. She herself has made this a habit. For example, during a general conference session she jotted down an anecdote related by President Thomas S. Monson. President Monson read from a letter President Ezra Taft Benson received after undergoing heart surgery: “Dear President Benson, I know that you will be blessed for this surgery because in the Bible it says ‘blessed are the pacemakers.’”

On another occasion Sister Jones learned of a General Authority who had received a handmade get-well card while recovering from bypass surgery. On the front of the card, the child, a second-grader, had drawn a rectangular black box representing a coffin, with a flower poking out of the center. Inside he had printed in big letters, “Hope you get well soon, but if not, have fun.” After a hearty laugh, Sister Jones wrote down that account as well.

Thanks to her notebook, Sister Jones has collected a number of stories and anecdotes to use in talks and at the same time has sharpened her ability to recognize and use humor.¹¹

Can you imagine having a funny story for every day? You may just acquire one if you become like Sister Jones and write down the funny, humorous things that happen in your life so that you will be able to share them with someone else who may be struggling and need a good laugh to help them through whatever the difficulty is that they are facing.

President Gordon B. Hinckley affirmed the value of humor for all: “We’ve got to have a little humor in our lives. You had better take seriously that which should be taken seriously but, at the same time, we can bring in a touch of humor now and again. If the time ever comes when we can’t smile at ourselves, it will be a sad time.”¹²

Humor improves our attitude, strengthens our relationship skills, and helps us successfully cope with challenges. Whether we are experiencing an anxious moment on an airplane, trying to get around sibling rivalry, or just trying to handle the trials of everyday living, humor can be a constructive and beneficial part of our lives. If we can appropriately laugh at it, we can live with it. So go ahead and laugh—it’s good for you!

I have to agree with Brother Wilcox with his statement and title of this talk: If we can appropriately laugh at it, we can live with it. So go ahead and laugh – it’s good for you!! And for me!!

After you have shared this article with your family discuss the following questions.
Let’s Talk about It

Questions for family home evening or personal reflection:

1.   Why is it important to be able to laugh at ourselves? How can this help us cope with adversity?

2.   How can humor benefit our relationships with others? How can it harm our relationships?

3.   In what situations is humor not appropriate?

4.    How can we develop a better sense of humor?

I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you. If you want to read other articles you can go to: after you have shared this article with your family discuss th foillowing questions.

https://www.lds.org/?lang=eng

I know that I have been focusing these past few posts on Laughter and humor and how to develop it, but I really feel that it is important in our lives to laugh with one another, to laugh at ourselves sometimes, and to share our funny experiences with others that they too might have their burdens lifted by laughter and humor. With that said we too, need to remember not to laugh at someone else’s expense. Never laugh when it can be hurtful or harmful to another. So, until next time, keep smiling, and seek to lift someone with laughter and good humor. Go ahead and share those funny experiences 😊